Whatsername
by justmeiguess
Summary: The regeneration has all been too much for Rose and so the Doctor reflects back on what he has lost. Songfic to Whatsername by Green Day.


**Title:** Whatsername  
**Author:** justmeiguess  
**Doctor:** 10 (though reflects back on life of 9)  
**Spoilers:** Series 1  
**Disclaimer:** Doctor Who and all related properties belong to the BBC, the song belongs to Green Day  
**Summary:** The regeneration has all been too much for Rose and so the Doctor reflects back on what he has lost.  
**Notes:** AU

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_Thought I ran into you down on the street  
Then it turned out to only be a dream_

He saw her everywhere now. Down every street, on every corner, in a thousand and one places she couldn't possibly be. A thousand and one places she would never now see. Her ghostly figure haunted the edge of his vision. A part of him died with every moment she lingered.

_I made a point to burn all of the photographs_

He had removed every slight trace of her from the TARDIS. Her room was now as spartan as it had been before her arrival. As vacant as his own. Every trace and every reminder of her time spent in the ship had been stripped away. Every object, every memory.

_She went away and then I took a different path_

Earth was absent from his travel plans now. She still called to him with the same defiant charm as she always had but these new wounds were still too fresh and too deep. To him Earth was a Pandora's Box of memories, familiarities and, most dangerously, possibilities. It was therefore destined, for now at least, to remain untouched by this familiar stranger.

He continued his usual occupation as full-time inter-galactic tourist and part-time saviour of the universe (or was it the other way around?). However, he was rapidly discovering that space and time no longer held the same spark of interest they once had and that the causes for which he now fought didn't feel quite so worthy. Once again, he had become numb.

_I remember the face, but I can't recall the name_

As with regenerations past he had again suffered from a number of after effects. As usual this had proved nothing but an inconvenience considering his propensity to either die in the middle of a dangerous situation or quickly find himself in a new one. However, what he wouldn't give right now for a bout of post-regeneration amnesia. A blank slate, no matter how temporary, seemed like a blessing. Instead, nature had again seen fit to bestow upon him the emotional baggage of his predecessor.

His only defense was his ability to try to forget. A puzzle without the centrepiece lacks meaning; a face without a name lacks resonance. If he could only forget the sound of her name as it had so frequently escaped his lips, then maybe just maybe he could forget the feeling of her hand in his.

_Now I wonder how Whatsername has been._

Of course, it was useless; for him, past, present and future were irrevocably entwined.

_Seems like she disappeared without a trace_

He had thought that she was beginning to adjust to the new him. Obviously she had suffered some initial shock, there had even been a thankfully brief period in which she had been in complete denial, but after all the stress and upheaval of the first month he had thought that she had finally accepted him.

A quick trip back: "just to see my mum", had soon scuppered that notion. Before he had known what was happening, "Better with two" had become "Better off alone". Her bags were packed and all that was left was a note of thanks, sorry and goodbye. This, along with a string of abuse from Jackie, including a rather graphic suggestion as to where he could stick his time machine, had convinced the Doctor that it really was time to go.

_Did she ever marry old what's his face?_

He wondered if she had gone back to Rickey. Got married, had kids, been normal, had a great life (after all he'd said it, hadn't he?). Except that time, she had come back. Not content with a life of work and chips she had risked everything to save "her Doctor". That was how this had all begun. Now it seemed she had changed her mind. Must have all got too 'alien' for her. Stupid ape.

Bloody Daleks.

_I made a point to burn all of the photographs  
She went away and then I took a different path_

'I'll be fine. I've done this before. Travelling alone is what I set out to do. I'll be fine.'

_I remember the face, but I can't recall the name  
Now I wonder how Whatsername has been_

'She'll be fine. She managed before I came along. An exotic holiday and then back to the monotony of normal life. Just like everyone else. She'll be fine.'

_Remember,_

"Nice to meet you Rose. Run for your life!"

_Whatever. It seems like forever ago._

Remember,  
"I'm so glad I met you."  
"Me too."

_Whatever. It seems like forever ago._

The regrets are useless, in my mind

There was no point in regretting any of it. Meeting her had saved his soul, leaving her had been inevitable. As clichéd as it sounded, the time they had spent exploring together was more important than the eternity they must now spend apart.

_She's in my head, I must confess_

Who was he kidding? Despite repeated rationalisations he had still always hoped for eternity. His mind was flooded with thoughts of her, seeping through every nerve. Perhaps this was an after effect of absorbing the time vortex.

_The regrets are useless, in my mind  
She's in my head_

Perhaps not.

_So long ago_

How much they had been through. Relatively speaking it was barely a blink in the eye of time, yet how his life had changed.

_And in the darkest night  
If my memory serves me right  
I'll never turn back time_

He could never go back. He would never want to. It was just another wound, another memory to add to his collection. Her smile, her laugh, her mind, her soul; forever filed away deep inside of him. On the surface all that would remain would be the fun, the excitement and the adventures.

_Forgetting you, but not the time._


End file.
